Rily Dont Know Pals..

The weekend was more or less the same..Except that it gave a feed to this Blog..
I'v now become accustomed to the ventin out sessions of many a 'people'..This time it was Gaurav..
"I Don't Know How to Love her...." He Said.
I really do not know how to love her ever since the story of Mr. "A" came up.
I think she changed a lot after a couple of months.. She loves to nag,
always say that I'm not beautiful..
and my mentality sucks...
Sometimes I don't know why,
I just don't feel the love from her anymore,
not as strong as last time.
But sometimes,
she's showering me with so much of love....
Sometimes.. I feel like we are just a normal friends,
but sometimes I feel that we are lovers...
Sometimes her ignorance annoyed me,
but sometimes I felt so blessed.
Evil thoughts kept crossing my mind.....
Does she treat her friend the same way she treats me?
Does she nag at her friends?
I wonder....
whether her friends..
all have really been treated this way,
I wonder....
She has changed.....
totally......
Maybe she's just testing me..... my patience or..
maybe she just wants to crib...
She said ,, its a bad phase of her life..the worst probably..
but then why do i ahve to be the most considerate guy around..
I don't really think so,
like the way she threw tantrums at me..
when I was actually der for her..,
the way she still does that...
when I's busy tryin to get her out of the mess..
This is the N'th time I feel alone....
I didnt even know how a good life looks like...
Never mind,
because I'v got a strong inner self..
helping me... telling how it is good to ne tough....
I really can't live w/o them.... seriously...
She said I don't make friends around... then why on earth.. him,
making friend's.. friend all around the world.
I told him that she didnt even introduce her friends to me when we talked,
she'll just either cut away the phone or talk something else....
(covering up the matter).
She said I surely can't mix up with her friends,
then I was very furious that time( but still putting on a smiling face) 笑里藏刀
haha.....
I asked her..
is it because I'm not a Show- Man.. scholar.. or wat ever scholar and she's ashamed of bringing me out to meet with her friends.
Then she was like no......
she said she just has the feeling that
I can't mix well with her friends.
Okay fine!
I"m already fed up wtih it.....
Maybe we see each other too often this time,
but whenever she does that covering up pose,
my heart shattered.
why is she so secretive of the immoral deeds?
I have got millions and millions of whys to ask her,
but I don't know where to start.
It really hurts and it hurts so much.
Each time I can feel my heartstrings is pulling me
(something..... forgot the scientific name of it)
"It's very painful....
oh love is handsome,
may love be fine.
& love's a jewel while it's new.
But when love grows old,
it grows so cold,
& fades away like
morning dew....." HE SAID..
--- NVS